As for nw, the excitement of tmr is in my thots.

Gonna meet B after like a 5 day absence.

Yes u may say its only 5 days.

But its a loooong stretch for me.

Any longer n I wont knw what id do =(

For tmr, we might play badminton ^_^

Finally a workout after months for me lol.

But thats provided that it doesnt rain like it did just nw.

And that I can handle playing while fasting.

After that theres a chance that we might break fast with my family.

With her included =X

But im nt forcing it to happen.

Esp since if it were to make her stress and feel nervous too much.

Just by the suggestion, I can clearly see her nerves lol.

Poor B haha.

So that is nt confirmed yet.

With those things said,

I should go off to hav a short nap b4 breakfast nw.

Eventho B's still online =\

Was forced to do so eventho I dun wanna sleep.

Haiz.

Nites nite ppl

PS: Cant wait for tmr ^_^

Target in sight.

Missles firing tmr noon ^o^

I love u Beebee =)

Slowly disappearing from sight,
The fool opened his foul mouth,

Sweating in the dead of night.

Seeing it take over her made it unbearable.

These two protected matter making up all that matters.

~~~Rewind to Thursday~~~












I miss atuk, nenek and B haha XD

Of all things to be told not to do,
This is what we are terrible at,
Failing to follow the rule that was stipulated,
Instead of holding back we kept on holding,
Hoping not to jeopardize the future of us,
Underneath the fabrications of sight,
The breeze that blew away our worries.

It helped us provide what was needed to each other,
Without the gust, questions n eyebrows surely would rise,
Without it we must maintain our straighten spines,
With it, itll sway our backs to support onto each other,
Swaying your soul to sleep,
While I pretend,
Taking a peek with my eyes,
Envisioning what is happening a dream or not,
Making me think that im closing my eyes,
And seeing this dream unfold.

Seeing our destination arrive,
I pretend once more,
That im not awake,
Hoping to make this last a little longer,
Hoping that you'd remain and not awake,
"Lets stay this way", I whispered into your ears,
Tightening the grip on my hand,
With a smile revealed on your face,
You agreed...

When the time marks for an ending,
Bringing a new start for us,
Appearing as how both of us would like,
Above the knees yours ended,
The full length mine was,
The covered feet and wrapped up arm and finger as a surprise,
Formally arriving later than for the start like always.

Sense of wanting to make the best out of this moment,
Lasted from the start till the letting go of hands,
Being in the same place nearly every time,
Finding reasons to see each other,
Finding a reason to hold hands,
Finding a reason to sleepin each others arms.

Hoping to make each second count,
We did what we could to prolong it,
Letting numbers pass by us more than twice,
Until our numbers came up at the same time,
Letting go of you hand never felt this hard,
At the last moment till I reached my door to home and you at yours,
Catching the last glimpse of the final touch before this,
A long absence of the physicality of our ways.

Something for those eyes of hers =)

My arms started to pull me up,
Waking up every morning to another fine day,
Just a little more of what she gives me,
Just a little more of the good life.

My hands they tremble,
From the cold day air,
Breath started to thin,
Climbing these rising steps,
Is this a too high for my lungs?
Will my body be ready for what sits at the other side?
This anticipation is not good for me,
Leaving me to wait every second before it starts.

Look where these eyes seem to gaze upon,
Looking down on her my heart stops,
Anything better than letting it beat,
One person to take it all away,
Only that person who could give all,
All that will leave me contented,
The feeling in my hand makes me tighten my grip.

To have another reason other than for myself,
Sending warm life into my body.
Every sense was put to work with her,
Washing the obscured vision in my path,
Revealing the open fields that hids behind those wires,
Small barriers to the big picture.

I felt a wieght on my shoulder,
A twitch on my palm,
Faint pounding on my hands,
Placed on her heart,
My life that bests within her,
A movie plays in her eyes as the screen is pulled shut,
Glued to the show that she sees,
I cant help but stare at her,
So calmly she sat beside me,
Head slightly tilted to the left,
Vulnerable to whats around,
Protected with the shield that wraps around her.

More turbulence shook us both,
Before everything slowly halts,
Kissing her head which carried a scent into me,
As the season arrives,
The flowers bloom,
Opening their petals giving sweetness to all,
Before she directed the channel only for me,
No one else but the one that gave her his already.

One of my current fav bands ^_^

Of Machines - Things Too Visible to See from Color Factory on Vimeo.

Counting the days to that given moment,
It decreases slowly as I am soaked in anticipation,
Once the permit was given I made the best out of it,
Epoch passes by us with increasing momentum,
I singularly stopped looking forward,
And started dually looking at the future and present,
This is what I always wanted,
To see you every moment Im allowed to.

Reality strikes me when you made me realise that this isnt it,
I gave up when I got you,
Thinking that the job is done,
Growing tired of the initiation you spoke the truth,
Walking on the edge of it all,
I nearly fell into the ditches of hypocrisy,
The strength of your love pulled me away from from the delusion,
Making a turn to the right path,
Setting off to doing what you meant to me.

Meeting up with the crescent moon that shines smiles on me daily,
It brought me clarity to why im in front of you,
You showed me a life that seems too good to be true,
But its already occuring,
I kept on verifying that its just a dream,
Something told me that it wasnt when my dreams switched with reality,
Id rather stay awake with you than sleep just to live in a dream.

Your touch makes me stay longer,
Providing me with certainty that nothing would go wrong,
You kept me under your care when you held my hand,
Pulling me away from unnecessary danger with every turn we make,
Making sure that you'll always end up in my arms.

As I hope to provide you with what life deprived you from,
A timeless life where nothing is called to rush,
Leaving us with forever walk on this journey,
If you tire ill give you a shoulder to lean on when you want it,
Ensuring that all's well ends well when you close your eyes,
Ill be there in one way or another when you arise once more,
But ensure that my love for you will always be there even when I no longer exist.

On the ride back to where we belong,
She wrote love on my arms,
Knowing that Ill see it everytime,
Reminding me that she's always there for me,
But she disallowed premature reading especially in front of her,
I gve my own version of it before she was taken away,
Lifted up to a better place till we meet again,
Her speechlessness made me froze,
As her smile shot out a feeling that still amazes me when im with her,
Being contented with not moving but just staring at her,
She disappears from sight as my eyes dropped to the ground,
Water washes the feeling of disappointment cuz it went better than anyone could expect,
Forever will this be etched in my head and skin,
About what she wrote and what she means to me,
Finally at sunrise I hear a hermit reveal other causes kept secret,
Making you willingly otherwise rendered logically deserving.

Hope you liked that card B =)

Things that I did this week:

This is an excerpt from a convo that I had with Ham2 aka Nurin aka Siti Nurianah (must put full name XD)
Enjoy the meaningless long convo =D

Honestly speaking things contradicted my plans,
Being quiet with it from others to make it our thing,
Starting the day off thinking about seeing you,
Seeing you alone when all ends,
Unexpected routes were uncovered,
As bodies doubled and multiplied more and more,
Taking things in its stride,
I hoped to make the best out of it,
Not wanting to ask for more than I can get,
Time moves at a constant stationary pace,
Looking onto you for what its worth,
Everything changes the idea that I had made,
The feeling is still there,
But yet it yearns for me to be brutally narcissistic in nature,
Such as my actual instincts were like,
But without a giver into this nature,
It is not possible for me to revert back to my old ways,
Especially when there isnt any motivation for me to grab hold of,
Being narrow-minded leaves me with options to forward to,
Giving in leaves me with only something to look back in regret,
It is through discontentment that leaves me with desire to do good,
Do good for the future that was being built,
But times like these will have to be faced again and again,
To make it concrete with negativity before lessons will be learnt,
And make me able to stand on my own once again with you to my side.

Loves her,
Loves her antics,
Loves the chicken too XD

You made you way to me,
While I came up with ways to bring you away from the world,
I gave up after numerous attempts to get you alone,
As all seems lost when you turned the circumstance,
Siding to my old ways you bought into it,
Bringing our routine into check again,
Coldness filled us after the hot indulge,
Comforting our physicality to give us strength to move on,
It didnt last longer than we had expected,
How sorry I am for causing the lost of navigation route for you,
I made the day head toward the wrong direction,
Faults in decisions made your extra step for me going to the wrong way,
Im going to give it up and just retreat,
But you kept on banging my door,
Hoping for me to open it and see you once more,
After the 4 prayers were read I made a decision that we hadnt plan for that day,
The first step in the right direction didnt seem clear cut,
Only till everything went cold on us,
Then the warmth entered from our skin and into our soul,
Staying close to each other to comfort our thoughts,
These limbs keeping us both at ease as time stood still,
Ignorant to others as being in that position was what matters the most to me,
Time picked up on us before we had to bid our goodbye,
Writing love on you palm for you to hold it and recall when Im no longer there,
As everything I everything that is in my mind was implemented into you skin.

One happening that gt me down b4 the night ended.
I gave them what they wanted and they brushed it to the side.
I dont need a congrats or wat.
I just need a little acknowledgment from you 2 =(
Atleast tell me that Im doing something right.
And no, I dont want to expect anything in return for having certain people in my life.
That would mean just using them for my benefit.
Im selfish but only to a certain extent.
Thanks for being there this time B.

+++


Heres a note that Lilo tagged me on FB.
Posting it here aswell for readers who arent on FB
Hint2! XD

Dear B,
I don’t really know how to do this, Our socks don't match. I think I realized when you put cuffs on me outside of your office and I saw you sit on my knee caps. I’m sure you’re open enough to understand how awful you are. I’m returning your love letters to me, but I’ll keep your mom as a memory. You should also know that Love your sweet, sweet ass and I will haunt you when I’m reincarnated as an Eskimo.

Love always,
Qais

Time has always been passing by us,
Approaching is from a distance,
Next moment it is behind us when we look back,
Seeing the seeds by the walkway turn,
From seeds evolving into flowers with time and care,
Plucking the first and then the second,
Now I plucked the third one,
Giving it to you just now when we reflected each other,
With the three pieces you bought,
You shared the joy with me at no expense in return,
I tried to add the moment with tastes from home,
This time you appreciated it more than the last,
As it is the third time before you followed my system,
3 hours before the time arrives but we made our way,
From the glass tank that holds captured life in them,
We proceeded to the village that we had once walked before,
Everything seems new to me,
As another light brings another sight,
Letting pass the first second and so on as we took the next ride home,
Decreasing it from 4 so it wouldnt be hard on me,
Which made us step the earth more then planned,
Nothing went to plan from our resulting day,
As we both got what we had wished for in our journals,
Making it interesting at times,
Cuz we followed what we wanted for that split second,
Just as we were awaiting the last ride,
Taking into account the predecessors that went on,
So close but none of the uncomfortableness existed,
As it was right for us to act out how we felt like,
Given the dimness in atmosphere that made it safer,
God reminded us that everything has an end with a sudden shake of the earth,
As you retired before I do as always,
Ending the threeat of our time on the 11th.

When it starts bright,
It will end darker than it began,
Nothing lasts forever unless you worked for it,
I worked nothing for that day,
Worked nothing but only for another,
Leaving me with nothing but a sadist thought,
As my energy given to their happiness,
Seeing others happy makes me sick,
Therefore I should be selfish
XD



One weird question posed to me by a good fren.
"How wld it feel like to attempt suicide by jumping of a building?"
.........................
.............
.....
...
..
.
I told that fren that if u wanna do it,
Call me first, I wanna see it first hand.
Once my fren lands on the ground and splatter,
Ill run over to my fren.
Kick what is left of their head and curse them.
Why so stupid?
Im sure there is much more things to be curious abt rather then those kinds of thots.
Just to feel that exilirating feeling for a split second.
Only to note be able to explain it to others cuz,
Oh yea cuz your dead.
D for dead.
(-_-)



I love this girl =]

~~~Rewind to Monday~~~

As our usual routine, I woke up late on Monday.
The day of programming.
What a nice way to start of the week.
True to my timetable, I "programmed" my own version for the day.
Waking up late, with B joining in for it XD
We ate breakfast at mac's off of Compasspoint.
Just for a breakfast with her, I had to make a promise that Ive never carried out for weeks.
To go to school for the whole week on time.
But there was a loophole in the promise she made me make.
I asked her, If I was late, then I skip is it ok?
She said yes =X wahaha, blur sey B.

Went to school after eating to find a relief faci.
Wowm just when I thot the module couldnt get any worse.
Lets just say he was so awesome at encouraging a method of teaching.
How?
Ever heard of the term "self-learning"?
Omfg, self learning for programming is like giving a toothpick to a Spartan warrior telling him to defend his homeland.
He may yell his heart out with the name "Sparta!!!"
But hearing that from 100 metres away, the modernistic army he is up against can clearly throw a grenade at him without he being unable to do anything.
Cuz he is too unequipped to knw wtf a grenade is.
Or u try picturing that same warrior with his toothpick in hand and then only to get a reply from a tank that shoots out a missle or wat u call it that is bigger than his head at him.
What will u get from it?
A warm foxhole for the soldiers to stay warmth in for the night.
With bits of human guts around it to scare possible enemies while the soldiers are asleep.
That is how the day at skool was like.
Brainless teaching to make terrible students more worse than they can be.

Being caught taking her pic, she seems angry =X

+++

~~~Rewind to Tuesday~~~

Got hints for me to bring my sweater.
Pretended that I didnt, though I did
Giving me a reason to meet B X)
Maths was funnily hard.
With my group yielding with nothing with all the work we done.
Only presented our excel.
Within 3 mins we were done, being the first group, we didnt look that bad =X
No one else had the same problem as us lol.
Nonetheless it was an eye opener experience.
Thank God our faci didnt scold us at all.
He laughed along with us (-_-)
In class I 4gt to silent my hp and my ringtone was 3/4 to max when Alim called.
I jumped of my seat in panic.
Both times my faci was talking to my group (X_X)
His reason for calling was to ask where is the polyclinic for Pasir ris.
He asked me cuz I had "experience" in skipping skool and seeking shelter at clinics.
Basket boy.

Met up with him after skool cuz I had no plans.
Went to bugis library as per normal.
Only to see tons of ppl sleeping in the library.
How inconsiderate, given the lack of seats and the dumb rule of "no seating on the floor" being enforced (-_-)
Furthermore I arrived 30 minutes than Alim.
Leaving me with nothing to do but walk around and messing the book arrangements so that the librarians have something to do =X
30 mins went by with a breeze as B accompanied me over the phone cuz she was bored at another library X)
Thanks for that B =)
Went the dude arrived, he got a nagging from me.
He racked up fines on my cards cuz he was too lazy and his fren offered to "return" the books for him.
Only for it to remain in his frens home for like 2 weeks XD
He did offered to pay for the fines, so All's Well End's Well.

Time went by there when I converse with B on MSN.
While the dude was yelling to his fren "black!" on his hp while his fren yelled "fat!" in reply.
LOL.
The librarian wasnt pleased, who could blame her XD

Went home chasing time to meet B as she went to the busstop near my house.
Sadly I missed her by a few minutes.
I was at the mrt and her bus came.
Only one freaking stop that separated us.
How unlucky =(
Met with dad at the Lrt platform soon after she left.
Dad reminded me that he was going to KL the next day =0
He was spewing with words such as "when im not around you take care of mum ok?"
I spewed back with the words, "When im not around you take care of urself ok dad?"
He laughed as a result.
Though I meant mine a lot.

+++

Rewind to Wednesday

Went to skool with B, on time this time around ^_^
Got seats in the bus! 2 days straight ^_^ x2
Got caught by Nithiya for taking the bus eventho I sadi "I always walk to skool" (X_X)
The plan for today was to wear our formal shirts for science.
But jojo 4gt to =\
Leaving only me n Syam to carry on the trend lol.
Science was maths.
I mean maths was science.
I mean science was like math.
Observe the trend, explain it.
Excel it.
Wahaha.
Super easy tho it was misleading with its level of complexity in explaining the problem statement.
Once you spot the purpose, it was easy.

Ending the skool day to meet B.
This time to buy stuff.
We went to Orchard first.
Walked to somerset.
Played spot our favourite colour game.
Loser had to endure painful slaps.
I won hands down X)
Her hand started with a fair skin tone.
Ended with a red one.
Poor B haha.
Then we walked to somerset.
Followed by dhoby.
Followed by City hall.
And then lastly Bugis.
Went home taking bus with her sleeping for once in a lifetime.
=)

When Qais attacks! XD

+++

~~~Rewind to Thursday~~~

With my Good luck charm with me..
We got seats once more ^0^
Then caught again (-_-)
Skool was fun, since we had cognitive.
Had to just draw a logo for a fictitious sport event.
Then explain our process of obtaining it.
I still prefer the old skool method.
To draw it with our bare hands.
Then its original.
But no one did that.
Some of my group members did that with me.
We came up with cute designed that were original.
But it ended up with our group using various images and combining it together.
How original =(
But we went with that as one of our group member hand tiringly made it.
While some of us drew a lot of designs.
Damn our drawing ability who did not allow us to convey our thoughts to paper nicely.

Got a call from Shahman to meet him at SUBWAY entrance.
Only to see him roaming around the skool entrance (-_-)
I didnt know the pebbled area was called "subway" XD
He passed me a belated present.
He wasnt confident that Id actually like it.
It was a world away from what I expected it would be.
But I still like it.
Thanks dOOd for it =D
Felt funny but B wore it for me =X

After skool I met with her.
Which ended us just heading home...
But as always we did a little sidetracking to make it special =)
There is always games to play with her when we are together XD
However for this day, most of it touched on childhood games.
Which was different to me but fun nonetheless.
2 of the games were Chi Ko Pak, which reminds me of my old bestfren, Muhammad.
I wonder how has he been. Kinda miss those childhood times somehow... =(
Another game was I spy with my little eye..
Continuing our reminiscing,
We went down at Punggol mrt to recall a past incident.
One that left her sick =(
Thankfully that didnt happen again, as the hurried off into the bus.
Returned to her area after exercising our time together as always XD



+++

~~~Rewind to Friday~~~

This time with no charm with me as I gt to stand in the bus (-_-)
This went on with my buss nearly hitting a motorist cuz he didnt see another dude to his left.
As he was busy looking to his right, as to see the traffic there before he changed lanes.
The poor uncle bump another guy and his slipper flew off.
His bike shaked and swerved around, resulting in cutting the bus' lane.
Thankfully the bus driver was alert and dodged him.
I just hope he didnt fall of his bike, give that it was peak hour and he was near the center lane =(
The day went on heading downwards from there.
Thankfully class was great.
As it was enterprise.
Then I managed to do my part well eventhough I picked the parts that hard to cover a lot of theories and facts.
Resulting in me skipping prayers cuz there wasnt enuff time =(
Furthermore a fren who was down didnt follow her "wish"
As she talked aaaaallllllooooottttt XD

Record was done thanks to Lilo.
We presented 33 slides in 33 minutes =X
My part was increased from 2 slides, then I bugged her for more.
She gave me 4 more.
Then another 2 more as she had a lot of workload XD
She is so smart hahaha.
Making us repeat last week, only this time Syam n Kawi wasnt the guilty ones.

After skool B told me something.
It made me sad but not angry, really not at all.
Its not her fault for it.
But atleast we still had our time, only shortened.
It was still worthwhile right? =)
After she sent me.
I went home and ate with bro n mum.
Only to too a deep sleep that I called "nap"
From 6pm Friday to 8am Saturday.
Booooweeeee~!
Was it nice or wat? XD
But I felt super bad for telling the maid to make tea only to let bro drink it all.
Cuz I went to bed again.
Sorry Panda! =(

Ending off with a kiss XD

Your friends cleared the run way for us,
A private spaceship was about to land on the open track,

The hints you gave me was ignored in words,
But not in actions,
I made sure it was heard as it was taken before I left,
Telling you a lie to tone down your expectation,
Lowering it so it will rise higher after the surprise,
That was delivered right to your doorstep,
Knocking on you door as I blue a kiss through the peep hole,
And you caught it around your body,
Feeling warm as a result.

Feeling cold as no plans of us were made,
I thought that it was meant to be,
But not now as our lines did not met,
You kept on throwing your line,
Only for me to not catch it,
Only till the end did you reel it slowly,
As I caught up to it with every approaching stop,
We reached the same place,
At different times,
So near yet so far,
So close yet we drifted apart,
Not getting a chance to hold on as time did not permit it,
As all that I caught were the breaths that you left behind,
And the trail of crumbs of you thoughts that made it wonderful ironically.